Wheelin' Part Deux

Landmines? HA! That's not going to stop me. Steve and I found a couple new spots to go off-roading that are safe where we don't have a risk of getting blown up. Was it ever muddy! Was it ever fun! I liked it better than the wadi actually, we went to a pit they used to use for RC racing but it's full of water now so it isn't any good for that. What it is good for is getting messy! After that we went down to another spot on the south end of the base near a construction site. There were probably about 20-30 workers that had stopped working and just stood around watching us. Their heavy equipment operators even drove over and parked to watch, it was pretty awesome. 

Before

During

During (a little later, a little muddier)

After

I can't see

Yes, there is mud on my teeth

Amazing!

They have such awesome toys here! I mean, COME ON! Where else do you get to see stuff like this?

Apache landing

Blackhawks taking off

Dirty Smokers

So I think I mentioned that Jelani is leaving on Monday so I'll have a room all to myself although I've been told I will be moving to another building eventually but I don't know when yet. Anyways I plan on enjoying the single living while it lasts.

Now, there's a new guy in the office who just flew in this past Tuesday. He used to work for ATCO but quit about 6 weeks ago and now he's been rehired because they needed an electrical guy on staff. Anyways, I've been sitting at his desk for the last month and have been bumped because there is software on that computer that he needs. So until Jelani leaves on Monday, I'm actually without a desk of my own. I've now resorted to scrounging a computer whenever somebody gets up to go to the washroom or get a coffee.

Additionally, I am apparently living in his old room which has an antenna wired up to the roof that he used to be able to pick up a free TV signal on. He's been poking around asking about the antenna (which I have no use for anyways) and when he heard that Jelani was leaving he figured he would just move in to Jelani's old spot.

I have a problem with that. A big one. For one he's an older, overweight guy so right away I'm going to assume he snores, and not like Jelani snores, but like an older overweight guy snores. Two, he's a smoker and although you can't smoke in the shacks, he and his clothes and likely the whole room would eventually smell like smoke. Three (and this is the big one), he's currently down at the other end of the hall from me, but at about 6am every morning I can hear him coughing. And not just a little cough, but a cough that sounds like he's losing a lung. That really gross phlegmy smoker cough. I don’t think I’ve ever actually heard someone cough so badly and so consistanly. It goes on, and on, and on, and on, and on. As an added treat, during all this coughing you can hear him swearing. It goes something like this "ChooooghhoooghoooooohcooooooooghooooooJESUS!!", "ChoooooghoooghoooooooochooooooghoooooCHRIST!!!", "CHOOOOOOOGHOOOOGHFUCK!!!!". He honestly goes on like that for about a half hour most mornings. It's like our morning reveille. Anyways, all that being said, it's bad enough that he's all the way down the hall doing this. There's no way I'm going to let him move into my room!

ACK! I'M BALD!

So... funny story. I'm sleeping peacefully last night and I wake up in the middle of the night and there's Jelani standing over me cutting my hair with clippers!

I'm kidding. I've been needing a haircut and for simplicity I just decided to cut it all off. Now I fit in better with all the military types. When in Rome?

...act as Romans do.

EDIT: Thanks to Anonymous for noticing ;) I didn't think you could tell with my shirt on but yes, that's pretty much exactly what I look like these days.

Me at the gym

No more wheelin' for this guy

So there was an e-mail sent out yesterday to warn all base personnel that due to the heavy rains that we've been having there may be the risk of anti-personnel mines being washed onto base. In particular those areas around the fence line and the northern and southern wadis. Well I had fun off-roading, but not so much fun that I'm going to risk running over a landmine. It was good while it lasted.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

I hurt my back... probably on Monday night at the gym but it means that I've been laid up for the last couple of days just resting. It really kind of sucks. Hopefully I'll be okay by tomorrow and I'll be able to get back to work. 

I'm Boring...

I've been pretty negligent in updating my blog for the last week. I've been wanting to post something, but my life here has settled into a fairly dull routine that I wasn't really sure that anyone (myself included) would want to read about.

Nothing like a good intro to really grab your attention, eh? Are you even still reading? It's not that I haven'd done anything since my last post. Last Saturday we had a beer call, which was much appreciated. We each got "issued" two beers and we had a steak BBQ, there was a DJ and dancing (although it was mostly guys) and it was just generally a good time. I was also reminded of just how delicious beer is, unfortunately I have a feeling we won't have another one while I'm here.

I got up to the helicopter flight line at the north end of the base this week. It was equally as cool as the flight line by the airstrip. I kind of wished I had my camera with me. We're not allowed to take photos on the flight line, but the helicopter flight line didn't seem to be a controlled area. No gates, no guards. Maybe next time because it was pretty cool. Row after row of Chinooks, Apaches, Blackhawks, Kiowas, Ospreys. It was fun to drive around there.

I'm did some more planning on my post Afghanistan trip. I will definitely spend a few days in Dubai and then go to Borneo for scuba lessons. I've heard great things about Sipadan Island being a world class dive site so I figured I would go there. I have not heard great things about the town of Semporna though, which is where you would stay if you were diving at Sipadan. I thought I found the ideal solution though, there is a water chalet located about 10 minutes off the coast of Semporna that basically amounts to a hostel on the ocean. It seemed perfect, for around $10 per night I could stay in a dorm there (including food) and catch a boat in to town to go diving. They also do diving from the water chalet but from the reviews I've read it's not great diving and you're better off going with another dive operator. Anyways, my problem now is trying to contact this place. Their e-mail doesn't seem to work and I'm not sure exactly how to call out from here to Malasia. I'm going to have to look into that this week though because it seems like a perfect place to stay.

Yesterday was a pretty perfect day. It was one of the nicest days we've had for weather, sunny, clear and probably in the high 20s. On top of that it was market day which I always enjoy. I know I've talked about the market before, but it really is fun going and looking around. They've got a little bit of everything there and I like the sheer randomness of it.

Typical vendor stall... Blankets, scarves, hats, rugs...

Traditional Afghani Viking Helmet?

Jaime modelling a metal thong.

Arachnic Man blanket. Apparently they do obey some
copyright laws...

After work I went to they gym to do my weekly 10k. It felt good last night and I've managed to drop my time down to about 52 minutes. I would like to see that come down to 45 minutes by the time I leave here but I'm feeling good with how I'm progressing.

Last night I played poker with the guys again, I did a little better this time and walked away with their money. It made for a good end to a great day. 

So... there you go, that's why I haven't been updating this thing for the last week. I feel like this is the most boring post ever.

... and another thing.

Now I'm sure you've all been following what's going on in Egypt, but with all the stone throwing going on some ingenuitive Egyptian citizens have decided that head protection is a must. How can you argue against safety in a world where the helmet cartels have managed to convince us that headgear is necessary for just about every activity from tobogganing to waterskiing. 

Have you seen this guy though? Yup, he's got a pair of baguette and a ham and cheese sandwich taped to his head and he's mad as hell!

Rain, Rain, Go Away

So it’s been raining a little lately. We got about 25mm yesterday and we’re supposed to get another 50mm over the course of the day today. Now it really doesn’t feel like it’s been raining that hard but to put that into perspective, we get an average monthly rainfall in Ottawa of around 83mm in August (apparently our wettest month). That said, I’m not positive that the weather reports I’ve got are accurate… it’s been raining, but it's never been what I would call a hard rain. Either way, because the ground here basically consists of hard baked mud it doesn’t absorb much (or any) water and it all just runs off. The result is that we’ve got a bit of a flood going.

This really wasn't what I was expecting when I pictured Afghanistan.

Can you spot the backhoe?

The lake in the background is where they quarry fill material. It's about 20-25 feet deep and it's full.

Lots of fun driving in the puddles!

Here's a little something we like to call number four. En francais c'est numero quatre.

Hats off to Lucky Ron.

Ok, I'm going to stop counting rocket attacks now. Even I'm getting bored of it. We had one last night at around 3am and I only half woke up when I heard the siren. I remember getting up and laying down on the floor. I'm not sure how long I laid there, I may have actually fallen asleep again. When I realized I was uncomfortable and laying on the floor I kind of looked around and I thought I saw Jelani laying on the floor on the other side of the room. I asked him if the all clear had sounded and he didn't reply. I stood up and looked again but I couldn't really tell if it was him in the dark without my glasses. Then I heard him snoring in bed and realized I was looking at a shadow. To be honest I wouldn't be surprised if he hadn't even woken up.

I went with Jaime, Michael and Rob (two Brits and a Scot) to the NAAFI for lunch today. I'm not sure what NAAFI stands for but it's the Brits canteen and rec center. I ordered a cheeseburger and the girl at the cash said no. It kind of took me by surprise and I must have had a confused look on my face because then she said that they had no cheese. I said, "Ok, can I just get a regular burger then?". "No, we don't have any burgers." Shouldn't she have just said that in the first place?

Anyways, I ended up getting a baked potato with brown beans and a potato dog. It was basically all they had left. Now I had never heard of a potato dog before but it's absolutely brilliant! Picture a pogo but without the bread... so basically a hot dog... but now wrap it in fried mashed potatoes. Delicious! I'm going to have to go back to get more of those at some point.

While we were eating a guy walked by the table and Rob said "Hi Tim". The guy, Tim, stopped and started chatting with us and we made introductions and he was explaining how "mad" this place was. This was mad and that was mad and so on. Jaime, Michael and I all just assumed that Rob knew the guy, he seemed a little odd but whatever. It turns out it was Tim Westwood. I know, most of you will say "Who?", I didn't know who he was either. I guess he's a big radio DJ in England and he is on base to play a show tonight. Now I don't want to judge a book by it's cover, but he honestly looked like he had come to Afghanistan just to find some cheap heroin.

Wheelin'

So yesterday I got a new quad. My old one was a small 250cc bike. The new one is nice! It's an 800cc with 4-wheel drive, plus I have a box on the back to store my stuff in. It goes like stink!

Old Quad

I also got a new helmet issued to me, my old one was actually a bicycle helmet so I figured with a bigger bike I should have a proper helmet. The first one they pulled off the shelf was awesome, it was a bucket style open faced helmet with a flared rim on it. I figured I just needed to add a spike on top to complete the look. Unfortunately it was way too small for me. The only other helmet they had was the one you see in the photo below. I kind of like it, it's got skulls and tribal symbols airbrushed on it and it makes me laugh. Anyways, I'm pretty happy with the new quad.

New Quad

This morning I went up to the wadi with Steve to do some off-roading. A wadi, for those who don't know is basically a dry riverbed where the water has carved out a bit of a gully. Now at this time of year, the wadi does have water in it. It's shallow, but at places it's probably a foot or more deep. We raced up and down the wadi for about and hour and a half in the rain (not that it mattered, we were drenched in water and mud by the time we were done anyways). Wow! I had a lot of fun. I think this will be a regular Sunday morning activity for me.

Cribs.pl

So at the gym they have a big screen TV that is always tuned in to some Polish music video channel. Normally when I get there it's just starting into what I like to call the Booty Dance Hour. Now it's possible that I just don't watch enough music videos, are they all like this? Anyways the reason I call it Booty Dance Hour should be pretty self explanatory:  Mum don't click the links. It seems they've actually done a good job of finding every single video ever made that features women in thongs and putting them together in an hour long show. Anyways, it's surprisingly motivating while you're working out so I don't complain.

Now the reason I'm telling this story is that apparently on Fridays Booty Dance Hour is replaced by a Polish version of MTV Cribs. If you're not familiar with the premise of Cribs, it's basically a show where they give you a tour of celebrity mansions so you can see exactly how much better they are than the rest of us. What made me laugh watching this show was that they went through two Polish celebrity musicians' homes and they just looked like ordinary houses. "Here's my regular sized kitchen with some dishes in the sink. Here's my overstuffed yet normal sized closet. Here is my bedroom with a treadmill pushed awkwardly into the corner. Here is my low end BMW with a baby seat in the back." I just don't get why anyone would be interested in seeing how these people live.

Edit: HA! I just tried to go to www.cribs.pl (as advertised during the show) and the site doesn't even work.

Rocket Attack Number Three OR How the Taliban Ruined My Workout

Not cool guys. Not cool.